How do I talk to my spouse about Collaborative divorce?
You have made the decision to divorce and you would like to do it using the Collaborative approach. So, how do you get your spouse to take a look at the process?
It is likely that you are both anxious about getting a divorce. Most likely you both share the same fears, who will leave the home, how will you pay for two residences, how will the children respond, how can we both live on our current income, what will happen in court, what will our families think and so on.
You might say to your spouse “when I think about divorce all the thoughts listed above make me very nervous and anxious. I think that you might feel the same way.” Admit that you feel that litigation could bring out the worst in each of us.
Say that you have found a process that could work for both of us and help us avoid most of the issues above since we will not have to appear in court. Explain that the process will allow us to carry on as co-parents for our children and that each of you would have opportunity to improve our communication during the process.
Share with your spouse that you would prefer to work with professionals who will look out for each of our interests without trying to tear down or insult or degrade the other person. Our attorneys will help us figure out all of our financial issues and parenting issues, with the same thoroughness as any other case.
It is called Collaborative Divorce and we would each have an attorney that will advise us as we go through it. There will be one neutral financial person who will assist us with all the financial issues and a neutral facilitator who will help us with our communication and help us discuss issues regarding our children.
Ask your spouse if they would look at a couple of websites to learn more about the process and suggest they call a Collaborative Attorney with their questions.
You might indicate that since you both will have more input in a Collaboration rather than in a litigated case there is the potential for a cost savings with this process.